Why is Self-Esteem Important?
I’m such a failure. Everyone is judging me. I can’t do anything right. I don’t deserve nice things. Why am I like this?
Does any of that sound familiar to you? Many of us have felt this way, at least at some point in our lives. However, for some people, this feeling doesn’t seem to go away. You wake up and go to bed feeling this way every day for what feels like forever. When I hear clients saying statements like the one above, the first thing I think about is their self-esteem. Self-esteem is a person’s sense of their own personal worth, value, and confidence. When your self-esteem is low, the effects can really hurt you.
Signs of low Self-Esteem
Here are some common ways low self-esteem can manifest in a person. If you feel like you have low self-esteem, some of these might stand out to you.
Believing that others are better than you.
Finding it difficult to express your needs.
Focusing too much on your weaknesses.
Frequently experiencing fear, self-doubt, and worry.
Having a negative outlook on life.
Feeling like you have no control in your life.
Having an intense fear of failure.
Having trouble accepting compliments or positive feedback.
Difficulty saying no and setting boundaries.
Putting other people's needs before your own.
Consequences of Low Self-Esteem
As mentioned in the intro, having low self-esteem can affect your life in many different ways. Some of the consequences you can experience from low self-esteem include:
Increased anxiety, stress, and depression
Increased loneliness and isolation
Having problems with family, friendships, and romantic relationships
Impaired academic and job performance
Increased vulnerability to drug and alcohol abuse
The worst part is, these consequences reinforce your low self-esteem and can often lead to a downward spiral. E.g., your low self-esteem causes problems with friendships which in turn lowers your self-esteem.
How to Improve your Self-Esteem
For better or worse, your self-esteem isn’t set in stone. Meaning it can get worse, but it can also get better. Sometimes our self-esteem improves during our lifetimes happens naturally. Other times, we need to put in some hard work to get us feeling better about ourselves. Here are some techniques I would recommend if you wanted to improve your self-esteem.
Learn to talk back to your inner critic. Sometimes low self-esteem can develop from years of receiving negative and critical messages from others. Over time, these messages develop into an inner voice, or inner critic. When your inner critic is putting you down, try to respond in realistic and logical ways. For more information on this skill, check out my blog post The Way You Talk to Yourself is Making You Miserable.
Work on your self-compassion. Self-compassion is a little different from your overall self-esteem. Feeling compassionate towards yourself means that you treat yourself with kindness. When you fail, you aim to encourage and support yourself, instead of being critical and bringing yourself down. A helpful trick: Try treating yourself like you would treat your best friend or child. Aim to be gentle, understanding, and loving throughout the highs and lows.
Surround yourself with encouraging and accepting people. Your self-esteem can get a serious boost with the acceptance and approval of those in your life. The problem? Some people in your life may not be able to give you the love and encouragement you need. Try to limit your time spent with these kinds of people and spend more time with those who make you feel good about yourself. You don’t have to cut people off completely, but you are allowed to decide who you allow into your life.
Get to know yourself better. Sometimes the way we view ourselves may not be entirely accurate, especially if you have low self-esteem. Try spending some time reflecting on who you are and what is important to you. Be mindful of what ideals or values you are carrying with you that might no longer fit you anymore. If you work on taking steps in your life to live more aligned with your true self, you may find it easier to love and believe in yourself.
When in Doubt, Talk it Out
As I always say in my posts, if you are struggling with low self-esteem and don’t feel you can work on these suggestions on your own, please reach out to a mental health professional. A therapist can help guide you through this process and also provide accountability to make sure you are following through on the work. Just remember, if you struggle with loving yourself, you are not alone. Many people have gone through this and learned to love themselves, and you can too.
