Roadblocks to Communication & What to Say Instead
Everybody’s talking about communication. We are all becoming more aware just how important good communication can be to all of our relationships (friendly, romantic, professional, etc.). Many of us want to improve our communication skills, recognizing that we don’t communicate as well as we would like to. This involves learning what to say, but also what not to say. Today, I am going to be talking about communication roadblocks and how they can get in our way from having productive conversations. I’ll also share some examples of what to say instead!
4 Common Roadblocks
Criticizing
Criticizing is one of the most common communication roadblocks. Many of us fall into this trap when wanting to share a complaint or communicate our frustration. However, criticism is almost always going to make the other person enter a defensive state, which limits how your message is being received. The other person may respond in anger and hostility, further blocking attempts to communicate. Unless your goal is to make the other person feel inadequate, inferior, stupid, unworthy or bad, it may be best to avoid criticism and instead communicate your needs without judgement.
Example:
“You idiot, you didn’t do this right. This is all your fault; you always mess things up.”
Instead try:
“I really need this to get done, can we find a different way to do this? Can we try this instead? Do you have any other ideas?”
Avoiding
Sometimes, people come to us to vent or complain about something they are bothered by. When we try to avoid the conversation or make it seem like it’s not worth talking about, we invalidate the other person’s concerns. We are sending a message that their problems are not important to us. This might make the other person less likely to reach out again the next time they want to express themselves to you. Instead of avoiding, try empathizing with the other person and offer to hear them out.
Example:
“It’s really not that bad. Don’t be upset. The same thing happened to me and I got over it.”
Instead try:
“You have every right to be upset. I would be upset too. I am here to listen if you want to talk about it.”
Labeling
When we turn to labeling in a conversation, it may be because we are frustrated or confused by the other person. If they are acting in a way we disagree with, we resort to labeling them to explain it away. They become a psycho, a pig, negative Nancy, a dumba-- or any number of other expletives. These labels have very damaging effects on people’s self-esteem. They work to put someone down and make them feel foolish or bad about themselves. If you are feeling frustrated or confused by someone, try asking them questions to understand them better instead of using labeling.
Example:
“You are such a pyscho. Why are you so crazy?”
Instead try:
“I noticed that you get upset when this happens. Can you tell me why this is important to you?”
Advising
The last roadblock in today’s post is giving advice. How often does this happen? Someone comes to you to share a problem they are having and you jump straight into giving them advice on the best way to handle the situation. You think you are being helpful, but you are actually sending a message that they should resolve their problem quickly and move on, while also implying that they aren’t smart enough to come up with a solution on their own. Often times when someone is sharing a problem, they just want to be heard and validated, so try that instead and ask if they want your advice first.
Example:
“Seriously? I’ve dealt with this so much. Let me tell you the best way to handle this.”
Instead try:
“It seems like you’re having a hard time with this. I’m sorry to hear that. I have an idea that might help, would you like to hear it or did you just want to vent?”
Don’t Miss Opportunities for Connection
Roadblocks to communication can negatively impact all of your relationships. Increasing awareness of these roadblocks and actively trying new communication skills can seriously help you have healthier relationships with others. The next time you are having a conversation that’s not going well, check to see if you or the other person might be guilty of one of these roadblocks. If miscommunication seems to be a problem you encounter frequently in your relationships, click here to find out how we can work together to get your communication skills where you’d like them to be.
