How to Support Your Partner when They’re Stressed
You don’t need a blog post to tell you that life can be very stressful at times. Between juggling work, family life, relationships, responsibilities, and finding time to breathe, there are countless sources of stress in our lives. To top it all off, when we are in romantic relationships, we often become sensitive to when our partners are stressed. We want to help and take the stress out of their lives, but sometimes that leads to tension or makes us feel helpless. If you’d like some tips on how to best be there for your partner when they are stressed, check-out the suggestions below.
*Disclaimer: These suggestions are tailored for people in relationships managing external stress. This is a kind of stress that is happening outside of the relationship. So this means that you are not talking about stress from a recent fight you just had, but an issue like work stress or car troubles.
Learn to Identify Signs of Stress
While it might seem obvious for some people, not everyone responds to or shows stress in the same way. Some common signs include being irritable, anxious, tense, or depressed. Other signs include having aches and pains, sleep problems, appetite changes, headaches, or stomach issues. Try to pay attention to cues that your partner is experiencing high stress. This might look like changes in their ordinary habits or one of the signs listed above. While it would be great if your partner could communicate to you that they are stressed, some people struggle with asking for help and need a gentle push to open up.
Try to Understand First Before Problem-solving
It’s easy to jump into problem-solving when you see that your partner is stressed. Even as a therapist, I am guilty of doing this myself. But sometimes your partner just wants to be understood, as I’m sure many of you can relate. By hearing out your partner and validating how they are feeling, you are strengthening your emotional connection. This will help your partner feel more relaxed and open to receiving advice later in the conversation. The best way to show understanding involves you practicing your listening skills.
Learn How to be a Better Listener
So many couples struggle with listening. When you are talking with your sweetie, how often are you already preparing your response in your head instead of fully tuning into them? This is a habit many people form over time but it can be unlearned. To practice better listening consider the tips below:
Show interest by maintaining eye contact, asking questions, and nodding as they speak. “Tell me more about what happened.”
Communicate understanding by reflecting back what you are hearing. “Man, it sounds like your boss really made you mad today.”
Show support by not siding with the enemy, even if you don’t agree with your partner. Focus on what your partner is feeling; you won’t gain anything from siding with the other side. “Yeah, your boss sounds like a real piece of work. I’d be mad if I were you too!”
Demonstrate solidarity by taking an Us vs Them approach. Teamwork and facing problems together can reduce individual stress and strengthen your relationship. (Just be careful not to over-identify with their problems). “Let’s figure this out together” or “Is there something we can do now that might help?”
Provide affection and comfort through physical touch and holding. Soothing touch can provide relief and can help when your partner is feeling stressed. If your partner is not comfortable with touch, make sure to ask first. “Would you like me to hold you right now?” or just simply hold their hand.
Ask Before Giving Advice
Problem-solving can be an important step in dealing with stress, but sometimes people just want a place to vent. Giving unsolicited advice can lead to your partner feeling misunderstood or even frustrated. I’ve heard clients say things like, “What does she think I’m stupid and I didn’t think of that already?” To save you both the trouble, try asking if they want you to chime-in on their problem. This could sound like, “I have some ideas that might help here. Do you want to hear them?” or “Are there solutions you’ve tried so far that haven’t worked? Maybe we can come up with new ideas together.”
Prioritize your Self-Care
Helping your partner manage stress can be a great supportive and loving act in a relationship. But you can’t pour from an empty cup, so it’s important that you are taking care of yourself as well. If you are also experiencing significant stress then you should also be seeking support and caring for yourself physically and emotionally. If stress levels are becoming unmanageable at home it may be time to seek outside help for both you and your partner.
Stress can have a major impact on your partner and your relationship. While stress affects us all differently, the emotional and physical effects of stress can be damaging in the long-run. The key take-away from today’s post is to offer your stressed-out partner empathy and understanding before offering advice. Also remember that you are not responsible for keeping your partner free of stress or to “fix” all of their problems. In a relationship, you are joining forces to tackle life, and its stresses, together as a team. If you need extra support from a licensed couples therapist, reach out to me here to ask about working with me.
