How To Own Your Life Story
Why do we love books, TV, film, gossip, history? It’s because we all love a good story. Good stories are full of characters, hopes, dreams, wins, losses, mysteries, happy endings, sad endings, challenges and triumphs. Some stories are romantic, dramatic, comedic; Some stories teach us, entertain us, thrill us. In many ways, our own experiences are like a personal story book. We all have a beginning and we will one day have an end. The in-between makes up what we call life.
We often get swept up in our own life stories.
Unlike a story in a book or film, we actually experience, and deeply feel, the highs and lows of our lives. Sometimes we create ideas in our heads of what we would like our lives to look like: the perfect family, perfect friends, perfect body, perfect partner, perfect career, perfect life.
Often times, these ideas come from stories in our families, communities and cultures. Your family commands that you have to get married, buy a house, and have kids by the time you are 25. Your community tells you that you are no longer worthy if you have experienced trauma, mental illness, or physical illness. Society states that you have to look and act a certain way to be desirable.
Real life doesn’t look like the images we create in our heads.
Real life is imperfect. It’s beautifully messy and unique to everyone. It’s also tragically painful at times. We all go through these painful experiences: challenges, failures, traumas, sicknesses, losses, changes. When we struggle to accept these experiences, we suffer. We reject our painful experiences and refuse to accept them as part of our story. This might sound familiar to you -
“I can’t believe this is happening to me.”
“Everything is unfair.”
“Life never goes my way.”
“That’s not me, I can’t believe you think that.”
When we deny our story, it defines us.
Life is unpredictable. We cannot control every part of our story. In fact, trying to control everything in life can lead to more anxiety and suffering. If you deny parts of your story, it can allow those experiences to define you. You become inexplicably angry at others, feel depressed and isolated, feel numb, become overwhelmed by triggers, or are constantly filled with dread about our fears.
If you feel that your true self, desires, and values don’t fit the stories you’ve been told, you begin to feel that you don’t belong. You question your value and worth. You deny the very parts of yourself that are uniquely you. Suddenly, the “perfect” life you once imagined no longer fits your reality.
Acceptance is the most powerful tool in redefining your story.
We cannot change what has happened to us in the past. What we can do is learn to accept every part of our life story. Your accomplishments and failures, your peaceful moments and traumas, the highest high and the lowest lows are all part of your story. You get to be the voice that narrates it.
This is not to say that everything in your life has happened for some magical reason (Who else is tired of hearing people say that?). But it does mean that you can give meaning to everything in your life. Whatever meaning makes sense to you and gives you peace. When you accept your story you become empowered to define it. When you accept yourself you can be your true self. You transform from a victim to a survivor. The main character. The brave hero. Life doesn’t have to be something that happens to you. You can define the story that is your life.
