Are You Letting Fear Run Your Life?
Fear can be a powerful motivator. Fear can influence our behaviors every day, causing us to make decisions to avoid potentially painful outcomes. Maybe you avoid talking to your crush out of fear of rejection, or perhaps you choose to not start a new project out of your fear of failure. Fear is a natural, common emotion that functions to keep you safe. But when you make your decisions solely based on fear, it can lead to a deeply unsatisfying life. Read on to find out more about fear-based decision making, and what you can do about it.
How do I Know if I’m Making Decisions Based on Fear?
There are two main ways for you to find out if you’re letting fear run your decision-making. First, look at how your body and mind are feeling when you are making decisions. In your body, you might feel your heart beating faster, hands sweating more, or muscles tensing up. It can feel like your mind is telling you, “I can’t do this,” or “I don’t want to be wrong.”
Second, look at the impact of your decisions. You might notice that you are missing out on different opportunities in your life, such as new relationships, travel, work, or self-growth. Take an inventory of goals you might have in different areas of your life. Are you getting father away from them as time goes by? All of these things might be signs that you’re making decisions based on fear.
How Can I Stop Acting Out of Fear?
Many of my clients struggle with this, even without realizing it! I hear them say, “I want to find a good relationship but it’s just not going to happen,” or “It would be great to be in a leadership position at work, but I know I would be terrible at it.”
Below, I’ve outlined steps you can take to manage your fears and make better decisions for yourself.
Find out what you are afraid of.
When was the last time you asked yourself what you’re really afraid of? Take some time to identify what your fears are. Some common fears involve change, conflict, loss, making the wrong choice, failure, judgement. Ask yourself what the possible worst-case scenarios could be. How likely are they to happen? Why is it so important to you to avoid them? Have you experienced these fears before, and survived?
Make a list of your dreams, values, and goals.
What do you want? Spend some time writing out what your dreams are. While you’re at it make a list of your values, or what’s important to you in life, to make sure your dreams align with them. Once you find out what those things are, you can spend some time researching what you might need to do to reach those goals. For example, taking a certification course to start a career in a new industry. Transform your bigger dreams into smaller, manageable goals.
Push yourself towards your why, not away from your fear.
A big mistake I see people make is making decisions that focus too much on avoiding their fears. “I am afraid of failing, so I just won’t ever try.” Instead of running away from what you are afraid of, imagine yourself taking steps towards your goals. When you change your mindset from one of fear/avoidance to one of growth, you will see yourself make more progress towards your dreams.
Accept that there may be consequences.
When we make efforts to work on our goals, there is no guarantee that we will succeed 100% of the time. Sometimes, we may have to face the very things we are afraid of, such as disappointment or rejection. It is important to practice acceptance of these possible consequences, as failure and mistakes are part of growth. Tell yourself that you will learn from whatever results from your decisions and you will continue on your path towards your goals no matter what happens.
Conclusion
I hope today’s post gave you some direction on steps you can take today to stop fear from controlling your life. Don’t let your fears hold you back from reaching your goals and dreams. There is a popular saying that references two wolves within all of us, fighting a battle between the darkness and the light. The one that wins the battle is the wolf you feed. Do not feed the fear within you. Feed the hope.
